If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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