Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
