Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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