I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
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I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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