Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
