I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Small penises have feelings too.
she looked like the before picture.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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