come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
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We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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