I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I supernannyed him into submission
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
