If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
