Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Are my feet made of real feet?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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