Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
