You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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