I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
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It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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