i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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