Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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