didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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