if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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