hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
