May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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