I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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