Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
