Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
