I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
