The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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