is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
