His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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