Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
