Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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