he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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