we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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