Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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