i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
