Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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