Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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