It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
