don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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