i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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