Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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