He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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