Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
