Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
