Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
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I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
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Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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