My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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