oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Found the puke drawer
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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