My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
