On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
one two three fourrrrnication!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
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I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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