it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
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We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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