ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize