we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
