So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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