Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Someone shattered a urinal.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize