Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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