Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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