New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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