he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Im part way to drunk.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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