Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
