dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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