when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
