Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
