so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
